This is the post 2 of 3 on dealing with jealousy. (See previous post on how jealousy ruined my potential).
Jealousy is arguably one of the oldest human emotions (remember Cain and Abel?). Add on the extra competitiveness we athletes bring to the table, feeling jealous is a normal feeling to have from time to time. Yes, I said, feeling jealous is normal!
We can feel jealous when;
- We compare ourselves. “She’s prettier… stronger… smarter… than me.”
- We want what we don’t have. “I need those new shoes… an A in that class… a super hot boyfriend!”
- We have unmet expectations. “I was supposed to break the school record by now.”
- We are insecure. “If only I weren’t so shy… my butt weren’t so big… I weren’t so clumsy.”
- We feel entitled. “I deserve to have this or that by now.”
I personally think it is unhealthy and unfair to ourselves to suppress our jealous feelings. When we are sad, we cry. When we are happy, we laugh. Yet, jealousy isn’t such a clear cut emotion. It can feel like anger, embarrassment, depression, or a dozen other emotions throughout the spectrum. Therefore, we tend not to recognize the real source of our jealousy. By not recognizing our jealousy, we react. 
Reacting out of jealousy looks like:
- Gossip. “Oh my gosh, did you see what she was wearing.”
- Revenge. “She wants to date my crush, fine, I’ll go out with her old boyfriend.”
- Resentment. “I wish she weren’t here. I don’t want to hear what she has to say.”
- Mean Girl Fights. “On Wednesdays we wear pink!”
- Loss of Self Esteem. “I must not be any good because I don’t start… don’t do well in the class like everyone else.”
The important thing to note here is that while having jealous feelings is normal, natural and nothing to feel ashamed of, reacting out of jealousy is often hurtful and harmful to yourself and others.
As I shared in the previous post, I was unaware that my jealousy had completely consumed me. Jealousy, without my knowing, hijacked my potential, my effort, and my joy. I lost sight of ME. I fed my jealousy when I should’ve starved it. If you too, have found yourself spinning down a path you didn’t intend, jealousy may be at the driver’s seat of your life. Take the time and recognize the jealousy in your situation.
“If you too, have found yourself spinning down a path you didn’t intend, jealousy may be at the driver’s seat of your life.”
Recognize your jealousy;
- Are you easily discouraged?
- Are you more negative than positive?
- Have your friendships changed?
- Is your behavior out of the norm for you?
- Do you still have fun in your sport?
- Have you lost track of your goals?
By recognizing our jealousy we can readjust, as opposed to react. It is Okay to be jealous. You just have to recognize it first.
When did you realize jealousy was at the driver’s seat?
Learn ways to positively cope with jealousy as opposed to negatively reacting in the next post .
Play now. Play YOU!
XO, Coach D
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