This is post 3 of 3 on jealousy. (See previous post on recognizing jealousy)
My battle with jealousy unfortunately took years to repair and mature. I often regret the amount of time it took to get there. To think of the things my teammate and I could’ve helped each other accomplish, the things we could’ve accomplished together; it is a great “what-if?” The main reason it took me so long to gain control over my jealousy was because;
a) I didn’t recognize it, and
b) I didn’t have a healthy way of coping.
Both reasons allowed the jealousy to grow within me. We’ve already established that we must recognize when jealousy is sneaking in because of the damage it can cause to our team, our relationships and even to ourselves. Now we will learn how to cope once we’ve identified our jealous feelings.
3 Coping Strategies for Jealousy:
1. 5 minute rule: “I need five minutes.” Being honest with teammates and coaches that you need time to be by yourself and process a poor competition, bad practice, unexpected news, or whatever it may be. You are not being rude, immature, or perpetuating any negative emotions into action. The person on the other end will respect your space, privacy, maturity and time.
2. Search the root: Once you’ve recognized that your anger, frustration, or resentful feelings are actually masking your jealousy, take time to dig to the root of those feelings. Ask yourself these questions;
Am I not meeting a goal?
Am I insecure of my ability?
Am I wanting something I don’t have?
Am I trying to change something I cant?
By identifying the source, you can more easily address that need or feeling. You will also refocus on your overall goals.
3. Funnel the energy: Get away from practice, away from your team and put your negative energy into something constructive. Try;
Make: Write, draw, paint. Use one of your other talents to create and express yourself in a responsible and healthy way.
Meditate: Pray, listen to relaxing music, do breathing exercises. Find a place to calm yourself.
Move: Jam out to your iTunes on the treadmill, take a yoga class, go for a bike ride. Find a different arena to work off some steam.
Meet: Find trusted wise counsel to share your feelings and get advice in confidence.
And because we always need a reminder…
Do NOT Cope with Jealousy by;
- Posting on social media (It doesn’t go away…ever!)
- Demeaning someone else to lift you up (That’s called being a bully!)
- Gabbing with other teammates, “friends”, etc. (That’s just gossip… trust me!)
- Harming or neglecting yourself. (You ARE amazing. You ARE worthy. Don’t believe the lies!)
Remember, jealousy is like any other emotion. We WILL feel jealous. It is our choice in how we cope with and show that emotion to others. Focus on being better. Not better than!
I hope that our journey through jealousy will make this emotion less taboo. Especially in the arena of sport where we often cover “jealous” up with being “competitive.” For me, I know if I had recognized and coped positively with my jealousy sooner, it would have saved me a lot of heartache. I hope it does for you.
How have you coped with your jealousy?
Share your thoughts with me on the She Plays Facebook page.
Play now. Play YOU!
XO, Coach D.
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